


Blinded Hearts

by ShipsforHistory



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Blind Armin Arlert, Blindness, Love, M/M, Sad, Same-Sex Marriage, Self-Harm, Slice of Life, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-12 14:53:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15342246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShipsforHistory/pseuds/ShipsforHistory
Summary: Armin Arlert has lost his sight of vision after a fire erupted in the home where he and his husband, Eren Jaeger, resided. Now, they both have to learn how to live with this new arrangement life has cursed them with.





	1. Chapter 1

He always dreamed about seeing the ocean. He would go on and on about it ever since we were kids. I will never forget the smile on his face every time he tried to imagine the waves crashing against the sand resting on the shore. He would even try to mimic the sounds he thought seagulls made even though we knew they were always wrong. The ocean was his dream. I wanted to do everything I could to allow him to have that dream, but I guess, it was never meant to be.

"911! Please state the nature of your emergency!"

"It's my husband! He was hit by the flames!"

"Remain calm! We have sent emergency vehicles to your location!"

"Please hurry!"

My beloved Armin would never get to see the ocean.

Everything was a blur that night. All I remembered was the flames surrounding the kitchen as I held my unconscious husband in my arms. I could not think, not even to save our lives. All I could see was our world crumbling around us. I was not expecting to live nor was I expecting to die. I did not expect anything. I just wanted it all to be over. I wanted it all just to be a nightmare.

When I saw him lying in that hospital bed with an oxygen tube lodged down his throat and tubes allowing the fluids to remain in his system, my nightmare became a reality.

"Mr. Jaeger," the doctor said while keeping his eyes on the clipboard. The next few words would haunt me for the rest of my life, "I'm afraid, your husband has lost his sense of sight."

My whole body froze. Everything around me went mute. Everything I was seeing all felt like some sick, twisted joke life decided to play on me. Why did it go after someone so sweet if I was the one it wanted to hurt? Why would it drag him into something that was my fault?

"Mr. Arlert is permanently blind." The doctor placed his hand on my shoulder as we both looked at the unconscious body of my love. "I am so sorry." Without another word, he left to tend to the other patients in the hospital.

Armin was alive, so that should be good, right? Then, why wasn't I happy?

The beeping of the machines were growing louder and louder as my hatred for the world rose. Every single thing irritated me to the point my knuckles went numb from how tight my fists were getting. "Why couldn't have been me?" Finally, the tears fell from my eyes. It felt good to cry. Not holding back a single tear, I let out all the frustration and devastation I was trapping deep within myself. I grabbed the motionless, cold, pale hand belonging to my husband and held it tight, now wanting to let go for fear of losing him. "I'm so sorry, Armin." I felt so much guilt for something that was not even my fault. I felt guilty for not being there to protect him. There are no words to express how much I was willing to trade places with him. "Take my eyes instead." My grip tightened. "He has to see the ocean."

Soon, I felt his fingers wrap around my hand. They felt so weak and fragile. Could that be the way he felt in that moment. I looked over to see his eyelids open as his dark, blind eyes stared up at the ceiling with a smile on his face. That smile broke my heart. He went from a world full of color and wonders to nothing. The world he knew left him behind.

"E-Eren?" He spoke the best he could with the tube remaining in his throat as his body learned how to breath properly on its own. "Is that you?" His thumb ran across the palm of my hand.

I placed both my hands on his, leading his hand to my face so he could feel me, touch me, know me, love me. "Yes. It's me, Armin. I promise, I'm not going anywhere."

Armin darted his eyes around the room almost like he was hoping to find me somewhere in the pit of darkness he was stuck in. "Are you hurt at all?"

"Don't worry about that!" My emotions were so hard to contain. They were almost like caged monsters ready to escape and wreak havoc. "Please, don't worry about me."

"Eren..." Tears fell from the eyes of darkness, "...I'm so scared."

Everything inside me died. I was supposed to be his protector! I hated this! I desperately wanted to press rewind and redo everything. Save us. Or at the very least save him. "I know." I couldn't tell which one of us was shivering, but I was pretty sure it was me. I wish I could understand the way he was feeling, but I couldn't. All I could do was stand there and hold his hand. Pretty useless of me, huh?

"I want...you to know...it isn't you're...fault." He coughed within that sentence. Probably from that stupid tube in his mouth. Hopefully, the nurse returned to take it out. He pulled his hand out of my grasp when I loosened it so he could land it on my head. His touch was weak. I could see how much he was struggle just to simple move his fingers let alone his whole arm. Just lifting it put him out of breath. "Thank...you, Eren."

I grabbed his wrist faster than I anticipated and held it against my heart that was still beating with grief and guilt. There was nothing to thank me for. It was all my fault this happened to him. "I love you, Armin."

He stretched his fingers against my chest. "I love...you too."

Finally, the nurse returned to a sight that she was probably used to because she did not even bat an eye. She just walked in and checked the machines attached to my precious husband. "Are you well enough to breath on your own, Sir?" She asked, completely avoiding eye contact with me almost like I didn't even exist in the room.

Armin nodded the best he could.

"This may feel a little strange and weird." She warned while wrapping her fingers around the tube.

I turned away, not wanting to see anymore of his pain, but his hand slammed against my arm, clinging to it weakly but determined to not let go. My nerves softened as I placed my hand over his and held it tight, allowing him to know I was not leaving him like this. What kind of husband would I be if I left him alone in his time of need?

"Now," the nurse stated while placing the tube around one of the machines, "your throat will feel sore after a while, but other than that, everything else seems to be fine."

Fine? I almost laughed at that word. My husband went blind, and she said everything was "fine." He was alive, but how was he going to live? He wouldn't be able to see all his favorite things anymore. His dream died just in a day. A dream he held onto since we were children. Who gave Life the authority to steal that away from him?

"We will have to run a few more tests until we can release you," the nurse commented, breaking the painful silence clouding the room. "The doctor will be in here shortly to discuss your options." She gathered up the unneeded material and left the room without a glance or word.

The silence remained as we waited for the doctor, but the warmth of Armin's hand was slowly returning to him. That simple feeling brought so much light back to my life. I wanted this pain to end for the both of us. I wanted a miracle to wash away the darkness that was holding his sight hostage. I wanted everything to be "fine." I wanted him to smile like he used to. I wanted everything to return to the way it was. I wanted to see his face when ever the sun broke through the windows. I wanted to see, to show him the ocean. But we couldn't even afford a proper stove.

The doctor walked into the room with a smile, not a caring smile but a smile. He was here like everyone else, a paycheck. "How are you feeling Mr. Arlert?" He asked like he really didn't know. His eye sight was gone, how else would he be feeling?

"As good as I can be." Armin chuckled but ended up coughing due to the sore throat the nurse warned him about.

"Well, the good news is, he doesn't have to stay here too much longer." The doctor really acted like that was good news. Good news would be that he wouldn't have to be here at all. "Another option would be, we could perform surgery on his eyes but judging by how bad they are, it wouldn't be one hundred percent of success." He pulled out a pen and wrote down a few things before pushing it back into the coat pocket. "Another option would be to wait for a donor with the same blood type and hope your body accepts it." He flipped through the records and nodded. "Your blood type is fairly popular so it shouldn't take too long to find you one." The doctor looked at the troubled Armin and sighed. "Of course, you can take some time to think about it, but I will keep you in my records for when you make your decision."

"The problem is," he coughed, "we don't have much money."

Pain shot through my heart. Even if we could save his eye sight, there was no way we could afford it. I didn't even know how we were going to afford this visit. We had a house because of my mother passing away last spring and even she wasn't the richest person in the world. There was a way to help him, but there was no way they could afford it even with the help of insurance. I just wanted to get Armin home so we could figure this out together. I did not want him to feel alone in this. I was his husband after all! We should be going through this together.

"Would it be alright if I just went home?" Armin asked, his coughing finally settling down. "I need to go over this with my husband."

"Oh yes." The doctor once again flipped through the papers in his hands. "According to your records, you two are not legally married." He lifted his eyes off the paper for a few seconds. "So, I'm afraid this decision cannot be made by the both of you."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. We shared a house together. We ate food together. We shared a bed together. We even said our vows in front of my family. My mother scraped together the last bit of money she had for our gold rings. They weren't the most exquisite things in the world, but it represented a lot more than anyone else could understand. We just couldn't legally marry yet.

"I understand the predictiment, but I am going to be the one paying for his hospital visits, so I do believe I should have some say in the matter." I tried to sound less pushy, maybe reason with him. Maybe if I acted like an adult, he'll believe it. I could not allow this stranger to force decisions onto MY husband.

The doctor's eyes narrowed as his eyebrow lifted. "And how do you plan on paying?"

"I have a job that has decent pay, so could I be put on a pay plan?" I glanced over at Armin, not long enough to see his expression toward all this. "Once I pay off this recent visit, then we will discuss what happens next."

Surprised by the response, the doctor gave a slight nod. "How much do you make a year?" He asked with a sly grin, acting like he caught him in a trap.

"Around $140,000." I answered a bit nervously. That was a little under the amount of everyday people.

"That won't be enough to even pay it in a year." His face leaned in closer toward me. "Do you have any idea how much hospital visits cost without insurance?"

"A lot?" I asked while swallowing a lump that lodged itself in my throat.

"That's an understatement." He smiled and shrugged. "Where are your relatives?" This question was aimed toward Armin, and I could not bring myself to steal it away from him.

My husband's face went limp as his eyes stared toward the wall in front of him. "I don't know where they are." Patting around on the bed, I knew he was searching for my hand, so I gave it to him. "They were not accepting of my relationship with my friend, so they cut ties with me."

Letting out a more frustrated sigh this time, the doctor was reaching his limit on how much he could take. "Fine." He removed his glasses and pinched the tear ducts of his eyes. "If you can promise me to pay your weekly payment on time, I'll let this whole fiasco go, deal?"

Without even listening to how much it would be, I nodded. I did not care how much I would have to dish out. I wanted to get Armin home today.

"I expect at least $65 every week." He demanded before signing one of the papers on the clipboard. "We will have him ready for release in a few hours."

I could feel our heart leap with joy at the same time. My beloved Armin would be able to come home with me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Self Harm toward the end!

The car was silent minus the tiny bumps in the road and the sound of the engine. His eyes looked in the direction of the window at the darkened world he was unfortunate to find himself in. His breathing was heavy and shook every time he exhaled, obviously holding the tears trapped behind them.

Car rides used to be my favorite thing to do with Armin. I would just mention the idea and his face would light up like a little kid getting his first puppy. It never mattered where we went, he would always make an adventure out of it. Those bright blue eyes of his would sparkle as they tried to mimic the glorious sky up above. A smile that made the sun look like child's play. He would always tell me about the his dream of visiting the ocean.

"But I guess the sky is the next best thing." He would always say.

My body began to shiver as my eyes stung with the, now, heart breaking memories. The road ahead of me fell far beneath the rising waves brushing against my eyes. I did not want to cry. I had no right to cry. If anyone should be crying, it was my husband. My hands gripped the steering wheel tighter, desperately not wanting to lose my strength. I took a quick glance at him, desperately wanted to see that smile of his. I wanted him to let me know it was alright to cry. That it was alright to be weak. All I got was a poker face. The color had faded from everything about him. That smile he usually had was replaced with a melodramatic dash for a mouth. The strands of dark golden hair no longer accepted the sun's reflected lights. And those eyes...those dark, gorgeous, blue eyes of his were no longer filled with color. If I didn't know any better, I would say he was dead. Lifeless. A robot waiting for its next command. The sun was shining brighter than it ever had in a long time, but there was no use in enjoying it.

The finally strip of road we found ourselves on felt like forever but was arriving to our destination too fast. What would they find? Around the corner, would their tiny house even still be there? What else did this world want to destroy?

I wanted to stop the car right in front of the tree that blocked our house. I wanted to enjoy the last remaining thread of hope I had. I wanted to believe things would get better. I wanted to believe the world wasn't cruel. I wanted to pretend everything was alright.

Our house was no longer standing. A pile of ash and broken, burnt wood remained. The last of my mother was finally gone. I didn't know why I was so devastated by it. I knew it was gone. Armin was safe and alive. I should have been happy, right?

I drove passed the house that was once ours. I didn't even look in the review mirror. The world was good. There was no need to worry or feel sad. Everything was okay. This was just a really bad nightmare. I would wake up. Everything would be fine. Armin would be happy again. Our house would still be standing.

"I'm sorry," Armin spoke with a very low and shaky voice filled with pain that pierced through my heart. That voice did not suit him. I wanted to here HIS voice. The annoying, girly like voice he always had. The one he used whenever he was happy or angry or worried. Where the hell was my Armin? Finally, his shoulders quivered as his fingernails dug into the flesh covering his palms. "I'm sorry." His voice squeaked as the tears fell from his eyes. The eyes that probably had no idea what to be sad about anymore. "I'm...sorry." He began to choke on his tears and let out a few mucus filled coughs. "Do you think...you could still...love me?"

My foot slammed on the breaks quicker than I realized, forcing us both forward. My heart burned with pain and anger at that stupid question. "How dare you ask me something like that?" My voice cracked a few times as the tears began to fall from my own eyes. The only difference was, I could see what to be sad about. I grabbed his hand that was placed neatly on his thigh and kissed it over and over again. The bitter taste of sorrow lingered on my lips as I continued to soak up the feeling of having any part of him in my hands. Feeling him close to me, feeling safe, feeling protective. I wanted to protect the human being my heart loves and hurts for. "I will always love you, Armin." I used my other hand to push a few strands of his dulled blonde hair behind his ear. "You're so precious to me. You know that?" Wrapping my hand gently around the back of his head, I guide his lips to mine. The feeling off cold, chapped lips was almost like depressing. It was like kissing a doll or ice. It felt lifeless and unmotivated. Our kiss lasted long enough for a car to end up behind them on this empty road. I disconnected my lips from his and gave him a half smile even though he couldn't see it. "I will always love you, Armin. I am here for you no matter what." I let out a forced chuckle. "For sickness or in health, right?" I gave him one last kiss, ignoring the honking horn and angry woman behind us. "Till death do us part."

Finally, the glow in his cheeks returned to their home on his face. His wounded eyes flooded with his deep ocean blue color. The ocean overflowed causing a few drops to fall down those rosy cheeks. My Armin was still there. He just needed a little push to return. No matter what happened, he was still my precious husband whom I would forever cherish and love. This minor bump in the road proved that.

I desperately wanted to hold him, but the car behind us on this narrow road was getting impatient and the gear stick was in the way. I circled the stick into first gear while holding my foot down on the old, rusted clutch and slid it over on the peddle. The car slowly pushed forward, but occasionly slowed down as I switched gears whenever my foot hit the clutch. It was an old fashioned car. It functioned manually, not automatically. It was rusted and silver and bent almost everywhere, but it always got us to point A to point B. This car also held precious memories of our road trips and probably the last thing that held them. Everything else was in that house.

"I love you too, Eren." His voice had returned. That soft and sweet, girlish voice finally returned. My heart leaped with joy. There were so many things I wanted to do in that moment. The words mixed with such an angelic voice was like ecstasy. The fact Armin existed in my time made me the happiest person alive. I did not even want to imagine life without him. I would rather have a blind Armin than no Armin. If didn't exist with me, I believed I would have ended up alone. The whole romantic aspect of things were never my strong suit.

I manually rolled down my window by circling the handle on my car door. The warm spring air came rushing into the car, whipping my hair every way possible along with Armin's.

"Eren! It tickles!" His voice squeaked as a few golden strands tickled his nose, allowing him to sneeze a fee times. The color was finally returning to his shining blonde hair. He was such a beautiful man, one I never want to let go.

Allowing the sunshine into our lives did wonders. It was like a dream within a flood of nightmares.

We arrived at a motel. Itvwad going to cost a little extra than our house, but I would rather die than allow Armin to sleep in a fucking rusty car. The lightbulbs hanging over each door was almost breath taking like stars gathering together to make a bigger picture. I wondered what Armin would think of this if he were able to see it. Would he also compare them to stars? Would he see them as magical? Chances were, I would never have another chance like this. I could barely afford that night let alone live there. I took all of this for granted. The magical world Armin enjoyed every second of. All the colors were so much brighter than I realized. All the colors that used to feel like nothing were suddenly becoming more and more important to me. The way Armin's golden hair faded to a light green color when the moon mixed with the blanket of night washed over it. Never really gave it much thought until now. I always brushed it off as something that happening.

I pulled his hand away from the door and placed a soft kiss over his fingers. "I'll get it for you," I whispered while slowly placing his hand over his thigh. 

Opening the door, I stepped out into the unknown parking lot that felt so beautiful to me. The white lines separating the parking spaces reflected the moon's lift. They almost looked like glowing arrows, showing me the way to something. I smiled slightly as I made my over to Armin's side.

I pulled open his door and gently lifted his hand in mine. "Our room awaits us, Mr. Arlert." That helped him chuckle and put a quick smile on his face. That chuckle may not have sounded like a whole lot, but it felt amazing to hear.

I locked the doors while I headed inside to the desk, so I could get us a room. Just one night destroyed my bank account, but I was lucky enough to find a room on the bottom floor. Each door had a number engraved onto each dirty, plastic, golden plates. The doors were a dull, depressing dark green color. When we reached our door, I was so terrified to enter. The only reason I pushed forward was because Armin needed to rest.

The inside was dark and filled with rickety old supplies needed to sleep and entertainment. I flipped on the light while I held Armin's hand tighter, carefully leading him inside. He felt around the walls to make sure he did not run into everything. I wondered if he trusted me. If he didn't, would he have pulled away from me?

I gently sat him on the bed and helped remove his shoes. He lifted his own legs into bed and laid himself down onto the blankets. His cold, dulling eyes stared up at the ceiling.

"I'm going to step outside for a bit," I told him while pushing myself away from the the bed. I needed to think about what to do. Where were we going to live? I had no one here to call or stay with. Everyone was back in our original home. I had to move away with my mom and of course I wouldn't leave without Armin, and Mikasa was not happy about that.

I went outside and made sure the door was shut firmly behind me. I didn't have a cellphone to call anyone. We usually used our home phone. Dangerous to not have one these days, but they were too expensive for me to even think about without panicking. What am I going to do for work? I could not leave Armin alone in the state he was in, but I had to work in order to pay off those hospital bills and hopefully save Armin's eye sight. We still needed a new place to live. My head was surrounded by so many thoughts that a person my age probably should not be thinking about. I was still a kid really, forced to live on my own while supporting a spouse who now could not work even if he wanted to.

I suddenly heard a loud scream coming from inside the motel. I knew that scream anywhere. In fact, it was pretty iconic. I quickly rushed through the front door and the first thing I saw was the drops of blood dripping around his wrist. Next were the tears streaming down his face from the pain inflicted. Finally, the knife he gripped so tightly almost like it was his life source.

"Don't look at me, Eren!" He screamed while his eyes darted upwards and around the room like he was searching for something. "No matter what I do, I'll always be useless to you." He gripped the knife tighter. "I'm probably ugly to you know. I'm probably seen as an extra burden. I've always been a hindrance to you!" He felt around until he found the counter and placed his hand onto it. "If I were gone, you would be happy." His body shivered as he raised the knife over his wrist. "You wouldn't have to worry about money struggles! And you wouldn't have to pretend to love me like this."

My world was falling apart right in front of eyes. He was on so much pain and there was nothing I could do. All knew was his words were lies. I loved him with or without his eye sight. He was still my Armin with or without sanity.

I rushed forward and wrapped my arm around his waist. My lips pressed against his. I wanted him to know what I felt. I wanted him to know someone here still loved him. I wanted him to know how precious he was to me. After a while, I felt his body give in to the love I had forced upon him. The knife was no longer what he held onto. I pressed my body against him as his back bent over the counter. Our kiss became deeper and more passionate. I wanted to show him how beautiful he was to me. Words wouldn't get through to him, so I would show him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you guys want smut, like soft smut. If you do please tell me and I will add it cause I thought it would be cute in this chapter. But I don't know who all is comfortable with it.


End file.
